Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
