We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
