For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
