You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
