Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
