the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
