I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
