The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
