right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
