why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
