The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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