So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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