I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
