You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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