there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
