this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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