quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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