Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
