One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am available for nakedness
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
