Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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