No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
