just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was like giving head to a cactus.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
