you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
