Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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