apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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