Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
