My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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