I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
