FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
