My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
