if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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