its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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