i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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