This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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