erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
