Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
