The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
