Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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