proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
