My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm too high and old for this...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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