i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
