Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
