You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
