I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
