dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
