my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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