I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
