yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
