am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
