well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
