don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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