I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
