Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
whose parrot is this?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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