I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
