Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
