I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
