i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
